Better.

Frac is filled with love today. She's had awesome experiences. She has lovely people in her life. She has all the things she needs and most of the things she wants. She has two lovely dogs. She is happy, and all is well.

Fric, we're sure, is on his road to happiness as well. And isn't that lovely. They have both figured out what they need, they got to spend time together, mostly in bliss - and teach eachother things that they needed to learn - and now they get to part ways.

Everything is turning out exactly the way it's supposed to. How comforting!

Learning How To Smile.

Today was good and bad. You will be reading about the bad parts, this isn't Disneyland, afterall.

Poor Frac, she is a mess at certain times of the day. Today was sad in the sad parts because Frac misses Fric so much. The last couple days, Frac's Ma has been visiting her, and this lone fact makes Frac miss Fric ohhh soooo much. Frac and Mama Frac are having so much fun, doing all the things that Fric would LOVE to be doing with them (they are getting new tattoos tomorrow!). And also, Frac wanted Fric to know her family very badly. So the fact that Mama Frac is here, and Fric is so close, and Fric & Frac being an inseparable duo was so close to the present, it makes Frac really bummed. Though she is having a great time, and 85% of the day was glorious, it's these little 15%s that can ruin an entire mood.

In the case of today, Frac is fine. She saw a couple on the beach, the dude had dark brown hair, the girl was a beautiful strawberry blonde ginger covered in freckles...and it actually made Frac smile a little. Fric and Franny look good together - and the one belongs to the other, it was silly of Frac to think otherwise. For this day, though it's been a bit sad in parts, Frac is happy. It's sad to realize these facts about the three of them...but it's also peaceful. Fric and Franny have such a wide, deep history...they know eachother's everything. Thats incredible.

Frac was thinking today....she wouldn't give up her very bestfriend either, not for the best upgrade in town. Frac is beginning to understand in much more authentic ways.

Each day, she feels oceans better. It will be over soon :)

I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.

-Jonathan Safran Foer.

THE LOVER SHOWETH HOW HE IS FORSAKEN OF SUCH AS HE SOMETIME ENJOYED

They flee from me, that sometime did me seek,

With naked foot stalking within my chamber:
Once have I seen them gentle, tame, and meek,
That now are wild, and do not once remember,

That sometime they have put themselves in danger
To take bread at my hand ; and now they range
Busily seeking in continual change.
Thanked be Fortune, it hath been otherwise
Twenty times better ; but once especial,
In thin array, after a pleasant guise,
When her loose gown did from her shoulders fall,

And she me caught in her arms long and small,
And therewithal sweetly did me kiss,
And softly said, 'dear heart, how like you this?'
It was no dream; for I lay broad awaking:
But all is turn'd now through my gentleness,
Into a bitter fashion of forsaking;
And I have leave to go of her goodness;
And she also to use new fangleness.
But since that I unkindly so am served:
How like you this, what hath she now deserve?

-Thomas Wyatt.

*Fric is no Anne Boleyn, but heartache is universal. And ouchhhh!

And These Crimes Between Grow Deeper.

Today Fric called Frac again.

It was unpleasant, though he wasn't meaning for it to be.

Frac wishes her emotions weren't so extreme.

Also, she is through with 23. She looks forward to 70...when things of this magnitude are easier to brush off.

As for now, Fric has said he will not contact Frac anymore, and they shouldn't be friends. And though Frac knows that'll be helpful in the long run - because the days are long, but the years are short - however today, in this moment, it has made her feel like mold. It is generous of him to try and be so helpful, but she can't get to that part right now. Right now she is wishing for a rogue bus while she walks her dogs.

Oh, Fric also mentioned that things with Franny are going great.

So :) Super for them.

Bullshit.

Well yesterday Fric decided to call Frac...just to say hi. And Frac, being the idiot she is, got really excited and answered the phone. But he just called to say hi and check on her, and tell her that he cut his own hair and destroyed it...and had to buzz it. Frac felt like she was going to throw up the instant she saw his face on her phone.

How is it possible, that this one single boy can rock Frac's life SO much, in SO little time. It's kind of startling. So, despite REALLY wanting to - Frac did not send him a text message asking to see his haircut. Instead, she leaned on her friends for a couple hours.

Frac's father reminded her that she shouldn't be giving everything away all the time. Thats what she does...she gives everything away. And though she considered his advice, because his experiences far outnumber hers. She decided he's just a jaded old man. Though Frac maybe shouldn't give everything away all the time, she will continue to. Trusting nobody is a hard way to live. And if you are always guarding against sadness, there is a good chance you'll accidentally shield off happiness as well.

But then Fric called her again, later in the day. This time, because Frac had left a bag of his stuff on his front porch, with a postcard that said nothing of any importance. Fric wasn't home. So when he called Frac later, she was confused. WTF! He wanted to know what the note said, because he had just got an aggressive text message from Franny saying she found an 'interesting note' on his porch. So Fric called Frac to make sure the note didn't say anything personal. And it didn't. It didn't even say Frac's name on it.

So Fric called Frac - to make sure he didn't have to lie his way out of a fight with Franny.

Lets read that one more time: Fric called Frac so that he could save face with Franny.

What a colossal douche nozzle.

Most days, Frac wishes them both well. If they are in love, and belong together, then so be it - and may they enjoy their lives. But yesterday, Frac wished bloody deaths on them both. Not only is Franny a head case for being THAT nosy to go through Fric's stuff. But furthermore she then sends an accusatory text message, as if Fric had to explain himself - since she wants to just be FRIENDS with him anyway. AND FRIC, calls Frac - who he KNOWS is completely heartbroken - to make sure he doesn't have to have a fight with Franny about Frac. They are both lying, manipulative little fuck faces - and Frac is over Fric and his drama. May he, and his girl, rest in peace.

It's amazing how self centered, selfish, disrespectful and shitty of a person he can be. Incredible.

Today, Frac hopes that she never sees him again.

Lets all hope this emotion will last in her.

Truth.

"Sometimes I feel so happy

Sometimes I feel so sad.

Sometimes I feel so happy

But mostly you just make me mad.

Baby you just make me mad.

Thought of you as my mountain top.

Thought of you as my peak.

Thought of you as everything I've had

but couldn't keep."

- The Velvet Underground.