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There are days of complete peace...and days of total chaos. Today, was peaceful. Frac got to sleep in, see a show with her Ma, take her dogs on a run, buy a really cool new shirt AND watch season 5 of House. What a lovely Friday.

Frac also got to talk to Fric a little bit, for a little bit. And that made her feel so good. Even though Fric doesn't want to be friends with Frac currently, it was good to hear his voice. She misses him. And it's safe to say that she always will.

Miraculously, Fric has taught Frac something new. They were always looking for things that Fric could give to Frac, because Frac was always giving Fric things. Such as, teaching him out to reverse uphill in a manual car, or how to use his iPhone to scroll to the top with one touch, or an obsessive sense of image (never said they were all good things), and lots more. But Fric has given Frac something much more valuable. Today she is overwhelmed with it. The emotion of ACTUALLY loving someone so much that their happiness is her only motivation. The saying that "I just want you to be happy, even if it's with someone else", Frac always thought was horse shit. Everyone is selfish and self centered and above all else: self serving. But today, Frac 100% felt the emotion of wanting Fric to be happy, even if it's with Franny. Genuinely.

Seeing Fric happy, ughk, it's one of the best things Frac has ever had the privilege of witnessing. She remembers the first day they spent together, in Washington DC - as far East as Fric had ever been. So vividly she can see how excited Fric was to wander around her city. Beyond the monuments and the museums and the sights to see - she mostly remembers how filled with glee he was to stomp around in the snow. It almost makes her cry to think of that little thing that made him SO happy. She can clearly see his beautiful, happy face when they rolled through the toll into Chicago on their cross country road trip. She can remember, perfectly, the way he looked when she came to visit him for the first time - in that shirt that was ruined that night, how his face lit up when she walked off the plane, all nervous and jet lagged and overdressed. That face, that voice he uses when he's happy - Frac would literally give anything for. And even if she never gets to see it - but knows its out there happening - that will be enough to peacefully leave him and Franny to their lives together. Happily.

Frac is sure they make eachother happy, how else, why else would they weather the storms they've weathered.

As for Frac, though some days are easier than others, she knows it'll all work out. She has always believed in the future, it's saved her life in many dark times. That luminous future. And it's there still, waiting patiently for her to arrive.