Cold Turkey?

Today is a sad day in here in FracLand, Frac has felt like she’s about to vomit all morning. After spending the last three days with Fric, Frac has decided to cut him loose. The truth of the matter has always been that he doesn’t love her. Frac decided last night that she doesn’t want to spend time with Fric anymore, at all. She decided this because she went through Fric’s text messages and read his conversations with Franny. Fric & Frac often go through eachother’s phone history - because there is no trust in their relationship. What Frac found last night, wasn’t at all devastating. It was minor. Yesterday Frac asked Fric if she could go with him a birthday party being thrown today...and he said he’s have to ask the birthday boy. And Frac thought that was fair enough. Later in the day Fric said that Frac could not go, because Franny would be there. Which obviously made Frac feel like she wanted to vomit up all her internal organs and drown in a puddle of her own blood. But she let it go, because this is the hell she signed up for. But then her terrible investigative reporting revealed that Fric had actually invited Franny to go to the party with him about an hour after Frac had asked if she could go. So what actually happened was that Fric doesn’t WANT to spend time with Frac anymore. Fric doesn’t want to be seen with Frac around his friends. Fric wants to fall right back into the same routine of Fric & Franny. And of course, that makes Frac feel awful.

Fric has always maintained that he is just “going with the flow” and he doesn’t know what he wants yet, and he can’t commit to Frac, until he does. And Frac, in her infinite loving patience, has accepted this as reality. She believed that Fric was all tangled up in his emotions. Frac believed him when he was always saying that he doesn’t WANT to love Franny, but that he can’t help it. Frac took it as truth when Fric compared loving Franny to slowly being poisoned to death. He always refers to his emotions for her as "poison". Frac trusted Fric, she believes what he says. She understands how love can be poison. Frac has felt love for someone who didn’t deserve it before, certainly. And she couldn’t pull her self away...so she sympathizes with Fric. She wants Fric to find peace, and be happy. But of course, Frac wants that peaceful happiness to be found in her arms, not Franny’s. So, today Frac cut Fric loose. “Be free little butterfly”, and she released her cupped hands and unleashed him onto the world.

Fric of course, was scared. He defended his text messages and claimed that Frac had misread them. And in fact, she had. Franny was already planning to go, he just asked her if she’d like to go WITH him. But regardless, Frac had made up her mind. Much less time needs to be spend together.

The bummer of the situation is that Frac has done this before. On certain days she gets into a really great mental space and feels like she can let him go happily, and all will be right with the world. Some days she feels liberated and healthy and happy at the thought of not having Fric in her life anymore. Because, in fact - Fric & Frac will never work out anyway. So two times prior to today, Frac has resigned to let Fric go. She has openly supported the reunion of Fric and Franny. She is always letting Fric go. Each time she hopes it will stick, but so far, it hasn’t. The only thing that is different about today is that Frac told Fric this time. She said to him that they needed to spend less time together. Fric argued at first, he didn’t agree. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. But Frac was pretty consistent. She explained to Fric that they are never going to work out together. Ever. Not only will he always feel that loyalty to Franny - but also, Frac will never feel the way she did about Fric in the beginning. Because he has destroyed that beautiful Utopia where their love was created. Now, it will only be a broken, sad version of their love. If Frac hadn’t had to spend the summer waging this holy war against Franny, it may have worked out...but the fact of the matter is that SHE HAS had to. And Franny, has gotten zero of this heartache (Fric has given her lots of heartache, but none this summer). Fric doesn’t talk to Franny about Frac. Fric treats Franny like she’s the queen of the whole world. Anything she wants, she gets. Franny only gets the sweetest version of Fric, all icing and sugar. While Frac has to endlessly have conversations about Franny with Fric. Fric and Frac are always arguing. Fric goes to Frac and asks her how she thinks Franny feels about him. Fric and Frac have conversations when Franny is the only topic very often. Frac wants to be supportive and helpful and encouraging, she tries so hard. Because of this, Franny is always on Frac’s mind. Franny is a beautiful girl, and though Frac doesn’t KNOW her - she doesn’t doubt that she deserves all the riches of the world. Frac and Franny are very different girls - but Frac respects Franny. The only thing that takes from that respect is the fact that Franny would allow Fric to treat her like garbage, let him cheat on her “every weekend” (so Fric says), and break up with her whenever he wanted for 9 years...and consistently take him back. But as we’ve previously read - Frac doesn’t know about love like that. So maybe it’s outside her realm of understanding.

So today is a new chapter, hopefully. Hopefully Frac will be able to distance her heart from this terrible situation and gain some perspective. Hopefully Frac will be able to let Fric and Franny be together happily. She doesn’t want to feel jealous and envious and endless depths of despair - Frac wants to feel peace and love and gentleness. She wants to think of Fric and have positive memories come up. She wants to breathe again. Another fact is that Frac deserves a lot more than Fric and his callousness, she deserves to be loved the way Fric loves Franny goddamnit. Now hopefully, she can find it once his evil spell has worn off.

For tonight, Frac feels completely melancholy and ill and hopeless and is probably going to go get wasted with some underage hooligans at the beach and try to remember that she is untouchable.