Fin!

So this will be the final entry regarding Fric & Frac...& Franny. Frac has decided that though keeping this blog has been SUPER helpful and wonderfully therapeutic for her, there is nothing left to say. And for her to continue writing, will only make it impossible for her to let go.

Let go. Let go. Let gggoooo.

She does not want to develop ill feelings for Fric or Franny, and she thinks it will be best to just leave them to eachother, peacefully. We hear that Fric and Franny are doing very well, or at least on the road to doing well...and Frac is happy for them.

She finally realizes, that it will just never be what it was in the Spring. What is it about Spring that heightens the senses in such a way?! Fric was Frac's prince for a season, and she is thankful to have had him. The lessons, the experiences, the love - she is thankful.

As for our heroine, she will be fine. Luckily, she has never learned how to hold back, so everything will work out for her as well.

She looks forward to the future, as always.

❤❤❤

Truth.

And I've lost all the things

That I lost in you

From losing ourselves

In eachother like we used to do.

-Robert Francis.

Why:

Frac is having such a tricky time with Fric because she has so little negative memories to draw on.

When Frac was dating an asshole named Olaf, he had cheated on her, and treated her like his personal slave for about 9 months...so when the time came for them to part ways, though Frac was startled (about the infidelity), and shaken - and maybe wanted to stay - in her heart of hearts she couldn't. She had stopped trusting Olaf months before the truth surfaced. For her to walk away from that, it was hard, because of the humongous, short notice life change that accompanied it. But it was easier because she could look back in her journal and see all the shitty shit Olaf had put her through. From leaving her at his work Christmas party for hours alone, or expecting her to do his million pounds of laundry that he accumulated every week, or taking complete care of his dog (which she would've done anyway because that dog was her kindred spirt, oddly enough), or coming home drunk every night. Leaving Olaf wasn't that taxing, though the mental damage he did was pretty hefty, THAT took time to recover.

When Frac dated a bloke named Racer, it was kinda hard to leave that one behind as well. Though it was the shortest relationship in recorded history, it was 80% lovely. They had only fun together, except the last few weeks - which were torture. It was hard for her to get out of that one, because NOTHING had gone wrong. They never had fights, they never had bad times, Racer just stopped wanted to hang out with Frac...apropos nothing.

Frac later found out that Racer was having a world of drama at the time and felt panicked, with made him come off as aloof. But Frac still doesn't excuse him :)

As for Fric...when she thinks about him, only the best days pop up. Which isn't how the human brain naturally operates. Generally, it's trained to focus solely on the negative. And though, those memories are there, they're in stock, they aren't at the top of the list. The top of the list is a sunrise in middle america. It's putting together Ikea furniture in Portland. It's seeing gigantic cows and getting an evil little puppy together. It's spending a Sunday in a hammock. It's spending a weekend in our nation's capital. It's eating Mediterranean food, Fric's most loved meal. It's Frac's first Dodger game. Or it's Fric splitting his head open trying to help Frac clean up her vomit :( It's so hard for Frac to let go completely, because of the strong connection they share, because of all the amazing times they've had, because she never felt more sure of the fact that she'd found that last squiggly piece to her puzzle. And that she was his squiggly piece as well. She'd never felt this way before. They like doing the same stuff. They listen to a lot of the same music, they drive fast, they love adventures. It's so much stuff that it's overwhelming.

Their only fights were regarding the F,F&F issues.

If she just had reasons for this split to be appropriate, it'd be easier. And Fric's happiness is a huge reason, reason enough. She just wishes there was more. Because all these good times, she'd only trade it if he asked her to. And he has. So she is.

And it gets easier all the time.

Flashback: Messages from Utopia.

Frac just found these in her journal. She keeps things like this, because she's a sap.

Circa March/April.

This one was completely random:

I just want to tell you how in love I am with you. I love the way you make me feel special and appreciated. You fill me with so much energy and passion it's like I'm high always. I love how you stimulate me and make me want to better myself and how you make me want to give you everything and be a man. I love you so much sweetheart.

This one was in response to Frac whining about not being able to see Fric:
It's good to be abrasive sometimes. Listen, Right now we don't get to be with eachother but soon we will. To me it is only a short time compared to all the life we get to live together when we DO get to be with each other. So think of like that and don't get frustrated about being apart. It is tough but it's all good because I love you and even though we have to wait I will never abandon you. Ever.

The Last Day ✂

As you wish.

✖✖✖

☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮☮

There are days of complete peace...and days of total chaos. Today, was peaceful. Frac got to sleep in, see a show with her Ma, take her dogs on a run, buy a really cool new shirt AND watch season 5 of House. What a lovely Friday.

Frac also got to talk to Fric a little bit, for a little bit. And that made her feel so good. Even though Fric doesn't want to be friends with Frac currently, it was good to hear his voice. She misses him. And it's safe to say that she always will.

Miraculously, Fric has taught Frac something new. They were always looking for things that Fric could give to Frac, because Frac was always giving Fric things. Such as, teaching him out to reverse uphill in a manual car, or how to use his iPhone to scroll to the top with one touch, or an obsessive sense of image (never said they were all good things), and lots more. But Fric has given Frac something much more valuable. Today she is overwhelmed with it. The emotion of ACTUALLY loving someone so much that their happiness is her only motivation. The saying that "I just want you to be happy, even if it's with someone else", Frac always thought was horse shit. Everyone is selfish and self centered and above all else: self serving. But today, Frac 100% felt the emotion of wanting Fric to be happy, even if it's with Franny. Genuinely.

Seeing Fric happy, ughk, it's one of the best things Frac has ever had the privilege of witnessing. She remembers the first day they spent together, in Washington DC - as far East as Fric had ever been. So vividly she can see how excited Fric was to wander around her city. Beyond the monuments and the museums and the sights to see - she mostly remembers how filled with glee he was to stomp around in the snow. It almost makes her cry to think of that little thing that made him SO happy. She can clearly see his beautiful, happy face when they rolled through the toll into Chicago on their cross country road trip. She can remember, perfectly, the way he looked when she came to visit him for the first time - in that shirt that was ruined that night, how his face lit up when she walked off the plane, all nervous and jet lagged and overdressed. That face, that voice he uses when he's happy - Frac would literally give anything for. And even if she never gets to see it - but knows its out there happening - that will be enough to peacefully leave him and Franny to their lives together. Happily.

Frac is sure they make eachother happy, how else, why else would they weather the storms they've weathered.

As for Frac, though some days are easier than others, she knows it'll all work out. She has always believed in the future, it's saved her life in many dark times. That luminous future. And it's there still, waiting patiently for her to arrive.

AHHH!!

Frac has decided that it's kind of the worst thing in the world to plan details of a trip that Fric & Frac were supposed to take together (that was Fric's idea) with someone else. She's on the verge of tears.

Where's that rogue bus!